It is almost 5:30 in the morning and as i struggle to fall asleep after downing two generic PM medicine, iTunes played "Everything's Not Lost" for me and i thought (as i mostly do with Coldplay songs) "how fitting...hhm".
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
I've been suffering from what i think is a mild case of depression for weeks now. Maybe it's the fact that i'm living by my lonesome on a city where i don't know anyone, or maybe it's because i drove the one person i love away from my life; possibly Forever.
I am really thinking that everything is over and the whole world is out to get me. I do feel neglected and everything is lost! But that one last line.. "hoping everything's not lost". Sure, i've said over and over again that hope is a futile emotion. People get so caught up in it that they forget reality. They forget what really should matter and forget what should count as demons. But i can't help it! I hope and i hope and i hope. I've created this alternate reality that i just want to escape to. The other reality that everything is not lost. The other reality where i'm happy and the love of my life is with me. I wake up with a huge reality slap that it ain't gonna happen again. That part of my life is done and over with... time to move on. Right?
Right now i just want to feel loved again. I know i have my family and my friends who do just that. But sometimes, i feel like they say "i love you" because they have to. I haven't felt that genuine "i love you" from anyone in a long time. People just want to be loved, and i'm no different from anyone. I don't want to lay awake in bed thinking everything is lost.
I am really thinking that everything is over and the whole world is out to get me. I do feel neglected and everything is lost! But that one last line.. "hoping everything's not lost". Sure, i've said over and over again that hope is a futile emotion. People get so caught up in it that they forget reality. They forget what really should matter and forget what should count as demons. But i can't help it! I hope and i hope and i hope. I've created this alternate reality that i just want to escape to. The other reality that everything is not lost. The other reality where i'm happy and the love of my life is with me. I wake up with a huge reality slap that it ain't gonna happen again. That part of my life is done and over with... time to move on. Right?
Right now i just want to feel loved again. I know i have my family and my friends who do just that. But sometimes, i feel like they say "i love you" because they have to. I haven't felt that genuine "i love you" from anyone in a long time. People just want to be loved, and i'm no different from anyone. I don't want to lay awake in bed thinking everything is lost.
life is for living we all know
And I don't want to live it alone
And I don't want to live it alone
Often times i like being alone, in my room, thinking my thoughts. But this loneliness i feel is different. I like being alone when i have a choice to be alone, but right now, i have no choice but to be alone. I want to live my life and i certainly don't want to live it alone. I want someone with me. I want someone to be a witness to my life; so i wouldn't have to think about leaving this Earth without anyone noticing.
I'm going to start counting my demons. Leave the good ones on my shoulder and drive the other ones away. And hope that everything is not lost. I really do hope that there is some way to make this all better... and some way that i can get some sleep tonight.
I'm going to start counting my demons. Leave the good ones on my shoulder and drive the other ones away. And hope that everything is not lost. I really do hope that there is some way to make this all better... and some way that i can get some sleep tonight.
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