.. I don't want to leave Kansas.
I know i was miserable and didn't want to move here in the first place but what can i say, this damn place grew on me. There are times that i miss my life in Joplin but i know that that can never be. I've established my own life here in Salina. There's a different me in Salina, and there's a different me in Joplin.
I put off giving my landlady my notice to move out, because i know it would be official. And now it is, I have to leave my tiny (but much loved) studio apartment by April 30.
For many months i thought that i control my life, but it didn't turn out that way. I had this MASSIVE plan on going back to school and getting my BS then going to grad school and getting my MS then teach at a university. I applied for K-State and actually got accepted! It hurts me that i received mail informing me about enrollment dates when i fully know i won't be here in Kansas anymore. I'll be back in BF Joplin. Dammit, i thought this was my chance in actually having a "college life" and enjoying it in Aggieville.
I absolutely hate it when people say that maybe it wasn't for the best, or "it's not God's plan" or "there's something better out there". Fuck that. It's my life and this is what i want. It actually took me a while to formulate this plan and i thought and thought and thought about it and yes, THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. But again, i do not control my life. Other people do.
So yeah, i lost my job. The job that i know, i've been bitching about and stuff, but like Salina, it grew on me. I started making friends and hanging out with them. I actually established myself as a good RT and all (and i mean ALL) ER doctors liked me; according to one doc i was "the only one with my head on my shoulders and not on my ass". And now that's taken away from me. No job, leaving town, leaving friends, leaving the prospect of being a K-State student... i hate it. I hate thinking about it. But it's reality, i have to face the fact that my bank account is slowly depleting and the smart move is to go back to my parents and lay low for a while.
I've applied to every hospital in the 4-state area (even Colorado) and none of them would hire me. It seems like complete bullshit that i'm a CRT with more than one year of experience but they won't take me, they'd rather hire an RRT with no experience. That just seems so effin unfair. I also think that i'm being blackballed by my former boss. I don't know what i did (or didn't do) to him but he just hates me and i want to know why.
So yeah. That's life for me right now. It's complete shit and i'm not much in the hopes of Life being good again. *sigh*
