Last words

When the inevitability of death rolls along, what would be your last words? I know I tend to talk about "Life" a lot but it's the only concrete thing right now- and that's saying something seeing that Life in no way shape of form can be considered concrete. I guess the only "sure" thing about this life of ours is death.

Last words- are they really that important? Shouldn't what you've done in your short human years count more than the last words you ever said to anyone? Typically they do, but in this particular post- I want to talk about my mother.

See, here's the thing: I've always resented my mother. Like every other normal creature in God's green earth, I have a mother issue. I saw the way she raised me was unfit and totally messed me up for good. She was a traditionalist and I wanted to explore and gain knowledge and more freedom that I could ever manage to bite, chew, and swallow.

One thing I know is for certain though: I knew that she loved me more than Life itself. She was so incredibly selfless that anything I do just absolutely pales in comparison. My biggest regret is not telling her with any chance I had that I love her.

May 22, 2011 an EF5 tornado with over 350mph winds busted through the middle of Joplin, MO and claimed the lives of 162 people- one of them was my mother.

My mother, 46 years of age, died trying to protect my brother as the whole foundation of the church that they were in collapsed upon them.

But that event is a completely different story.

An hour before she died, she tried calling me. Being the loving daughter that I am, i ignored her phone call and let it go to voicemail. As I listened to her voice mail, I realized it's the same things she tells me all the time. Delete. I'll call her back later.

I did. I did try to call her back later- it was too late. She was gone.

Fortunately, I managed to retrieve her last message to me and saved it. Up til now I haven't the courage to listen to it... It's been more than a year but I know that listening to it will bring me nothing but sadness and feeling of losing one of the most important person in my life.

It's been more than a year since I listened to that message, here's what it says: "hey, I'm just wondering what you're up to. Hopefully you're sleeping since I know you worked last night. I'm heading off to church with your brother. You should start going to church again, and love Jesus so you would go to heaven and I'll get to see you. I love you".

Click.